Wednesday, January 8, 2025
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A stray cat will adopt you as its personal masseuse. Expect purrfection.
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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You'll think you've found the perfect insult for someone until you realize it's directed at yourself.
20 Apr – 20 May
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Did you know your great grandfather invented beards? He did, and for that we are all grateful.
21 May – 20 Jun
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Today you will forget something you cannot forget because you forgot to use the words not, don't, forget, couldn't, or never
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Your hands possess the ability to instantly thaw frozen food, and you will use this power to revolutionize the way we consume ice cream, finally putting an end to the misery of waiting minutes for a treat to soften.
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Today you will be followed by a trail of glitter everywhere you go.
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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You will have a series of minor difficulties today, but everything will be easily overcome by simply taking your shoes off.
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Learn horsemanship skills to impress a Taurus rider lol
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Time to restock the birthdays.
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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The longer you stare at a blank wall, the more likely it is to have something written on it.
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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You will encounter a group of dancing penguins who insist on teaching you their moves.
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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If you ever wanted to buy a boat, now is the perfect time.
19 Feb – 20 Mar
