Friday, July 26, 2024
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Always follow your satnav app's directions, let it be guilty if something goes wrong.
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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You have a non- vulgar tattoo on your butt.
20 Apr – 20 May
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You will accidentally unlock secret powers to electromagnetize things.
21 May – 20 Jun
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Beware of a sudden craving for purple jelly beans—it's a sign of impending silliness.
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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A stranger's envy will manifest as a subconscious tendency to copy your mannerisms today. Notice this and smile, but keep your secrets.
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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You are teleported into a parallel universe where every conversation ends with a question mark?
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Be cautious today, for seagulls and badgers have inexplicably switched places, and you do not want to get caught in the crossfire.
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Your love life will take an unexpected turn today. Rather than flirting with potential partners, you will find yourself gravitating towards cuddly animals, like puppies and kittens. Don't dismiss these feelings - there's beauty in platonic love too.
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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You will discover that you are unable to lie today. This will be very inconvenient for you and those around you. On the plus side, you will quickly earn the trust of everyone you meet.
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Today you will unexpectedly receive an award for bravery. Now go win it!
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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You will be audited by the IRS.
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Everyone has a secret admirer. Only some have secret enemies.
19 Feb – 20 Mar
