Sunday, April 7, 2024
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After years of work, you will finally be invited to exhibit at the Louvre
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Today you will find perfectly preserved confused mammoth meat in your freezer. Eat whatever's left
20 Apr – 20 May
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Your horoscope today is interconnected with that of your lesser-known neighbor; you'll experience both joy and misery together.
21 May – 20 Jun
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You have a Leo friend who is as sweet as candy. Today, try and sell that candy.
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Today you will receive a divorce summons from a lawyer you now find extremely attractive, but you're not married.
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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If you close your eyes and listen carefully, you can hear the ocean.
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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If you're feeling nervous, just remember: fake it 'till you make it. Unless you're an Aries, in which case, just be yourself.
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You will discover a hidden talent for speaking fluent penguin. Prepare for conversations with your tuxedo-wearing friends!
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Beware of mischievous garden gnomes plotting to steal your shoes.
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Today you will suddenly know everything about accurate fireworks displays
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Today you will try using your hands like feet when you walk
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Today you will learn that it's impossible to cross your legs in the same position twice in a row
19 Feb – 20 Mar
