Sunday, February 11, 2024
-
Beware of those around you. True friends will communicate in Morse code, but others may not have your best interests at heart and could lead you astray with innocent cricket clicks.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
-
Your true friends will communicate with you in Morse code, but be wary of impostors and the occasional cricket.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
-
You will find a four-leaf clover today. Unfortunately, it will be radioactive. This will lead to a complicated situation that you probably don't want to find yourself in.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
-
From timeless classics to clever contemporary quips, your dad joke repertoire will be unmatched. Prepare to be the life of every party and the bane of everyone's humourless friend.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
-
Your enemies are plotting your demise, again. Thankfully they are pretty inept, so you needn't worry too much. Besides, you have a secret weapon: your ability to make excel spreadsheets! Use this skill to your advantage and thwart their evil plans.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
-
Consider an afternoon nap, preferably at work
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
-
Today is a good day to conquer your fears and try something new. If you're afraid of heights, try eating a delicious meal at a rooftop restaurant. If you're afraid of clowns, try watching a movie where they're the heroes. Conquer your fears in small doses.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
-
You will adopt an unusual new pet, like a stick insect or a tarantula. They will befriend your cat.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
-
At work, you may feel the need to introduce a novelty desk accessory to your colleagues. While it may not enhance productivity, it will certainly make your desk stand out.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
-
Your life is a telenovela and you're the lead character: expect a lot of drama today.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
-
Your presence will have an inexplicable calming effect on angry mobs, and you will find that simply by showing up, you can single-handedly diffuse tense situations, causing crowds to calmly and quietly disperse without resistance.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
-
You will embark on a journey of self-discovery this week. Hopefully, it's not a journey involving climbing Mount Everest, because that would just be crazy.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
