Sunday, February 11, 2024
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Beware of those around you. True friends will communicate in Morse code, but others may not have your best interests at heart and could lead you astray with innocent cricket clicks.
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Your true friends will communicate with you in Morse code, but be wary of impostors and the occasional cricket.
20 Apr – 20 May
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You will find a four-leaf clover today. Unfortunately, it will be radioactive. This will lead to a complicated situation that you probably don't want to find yourself in.
21 May – 20 Jun
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From timeless classics to clever contemporary quips, your dad joke repertoire will be unmatched. Prepare to be the life of every party and the bane of everyone's humourless friend.
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Your enemies are plotting your demise, again. Thankfully they are pretty inept, so you needn't worry too much. Besides, you have a secret weapon: your ability to make excel spreadsheets! Use this skill to your advantage and thwart their evil plans.
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Consider an afternoon nap, preferably at work
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Today is a good day to conquer your fears and try something new. If you're afraid of heights, try eating a delicious meal at a rooftop restaurant. If you're afraid of clowns, try watching a movie where they're the heroes. Conquer your fears in small doses.
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You will adopt an unusual new pet, like a stick insect or a tarantula. They will befriend your cat.
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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At work, you may feel the need to introduce a novelty desk accessory to your colleagues. While it may not enhance productivity, it will certainly make your desk stand out.
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Your life is a telenovela and you're the lead character: expect a lot of drama today.
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Your presence will have an inexplicable calming effect on angry mobs, and you will find that simply by showing up, you can single-handedly diffuse tense situations, causing crowds to calmly and quietly disperse without resistance.
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You will embark on a journey of self-discovery this week. Hopefully, it's not a journey involving climbing Mount Everest, because that would just be crazy.
19 Feb – 20 Mar
