Wacky Horoscopes — Cancer, January 21, 2024

If you're feeling anxious today, try some herbal tea. Camomile is a good place to start.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

You will have a nice conversation with a stranger today. Maybe they will tell you about their hobby of bird-watching, and you will learn something new.

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you will find a four-leaf clover. This will bring you immense good luck, use this luck to wish for something practical, like a year's worth of free groceries.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

If someone suggests today that you listen to Kundalini rising chant music, do it.

You will receive a cryptic message from a long-lost relative claiming you are the heir to a vast fortune in a faraway land. Before you pack your bags, make sure to verify the legitimacy of this claim.

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Don't forget your dentist appointment later today. You did put it into your calendar didn't you?

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

You will have a strange dream about sausages tonight. Upon waking, you will have a strong desire to draw cartoon pigs on all of your bills before spending them.

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

You will dream in the language of birds today, and upon waking, you will eagerly rush to your window to try to interpret the meaning of the songs you hear, only to realize that it was just a bunch of pigeons arguing over a scrap of bread.