Monday, September 18, 2023
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You will be invited to join a secret society of synchronized swimmers. Embrace the water ballet.
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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You will eat three ice creams today. One for you, one for the road, and one for the finish line.
20 Apr – 20 May
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Today you will be buried alive
21 May – 20 Jun
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Let your friend borrow your towel, it'll dry them up emotionally.
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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When you meet a new person, you have to make weird noises at them.
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Don't clean your room today, the mess will be beneficial for you in the future.
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Your future is so bright you'll have to wear shades. Unless you're in a cave, in which case you probably shouldn't wear shades.
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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If you can, take a sick day from work. Your boss won't even notice you're gone.
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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That potato salad is the best thing you've ever eaten, no questions asked.
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Your favourite pair of sunglasses will mysteriously turn into x-ray glasses, allowing you to see through walls.
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Today you will realize to your horror that you're under the influence of a psychotic kitchen utensil
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You will discover a hidden talent for predicting the weather by listening to the songs of birds. Become the avian meteorologist!
19 Feb – 20 Mar
