Friday, September 15, 2023
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Always carry a bandana with you, you never know when you'll need to make a quick western.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Do you want to know how the world really looks? Today, you must brave an oppressive apocalyptic future, and perhaps discover something worthwhile while you're at it.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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There is something you need to let go of. The thing you need to let go of is your attachment to this prediction.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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You will receive a red letter in the mail today. Do not open it. It will be an important message in the future.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Sometimes people say that we can't choose who we love. They're wrong. We can. We just don't make the right choice, which is the only possible problem with this plan.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Today you will realize there's a secret society of people with extremely long arms who swap paw prints among themselves
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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The weather will be beautiful in your neck of the woods today.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You will accidentally unlock secret powers to electromagnetize things.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Prepare for a strange coincidence as you accidentally match your neighbor's outfit, prompting an awkward but amusing encounter.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Today, your makeup will match your outfit perfectly.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Your toaster oven starts cursing tomorrows about its lack of toasting element. Time to invest in a bigger one
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Wear blue if you want to remain invisible.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
