Friday, September 15, 2023
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Always carry a bandana with you, you never know when you'll need to make a quick western.
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Do you want to know how the world really looks? Today, you must brave an oppressive apocalyptic future, and perhaps discover something worthwhile while you're at it.
20 Apr – 20 May
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There is something you need to let go of. The thing you need to let go of is your attachment to this prediction.
21 May – 20 Jun
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You will receive a red letter in the mail today. Do not open it. It will be an important message in the future.
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Sometimes people say that we can't choose who we love. They're wrong. We can. We just don't make the right choice, which is the only possible problem with this plan.
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Today you will realize there's a secret society of people with extremely long arms who swap paw prints among themselves
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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The weather will be beautiful in your neck of the woods today.
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You will accidentally unlock secret powers to electromagnetize things.
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Prepare for a strange coincidence as you accidentally match your neighbor's outfit, prompting an awkward but amusing encounter.
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Today, your makeup will match your outfit perfectly.
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Your toaster oven starts cursing tomorrows about its lack of toasting element. Time to invest in a bigger one
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Wear blue if you want to remain invisible.
19 Feb – 20 Mar