Wacky Horoscopes — Aquarius, August 28, 2023

Today you will spend a blissful night doing nothing. You might just wake up with a solar system tattoo.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Find a ventriloquist's dummy and whisper a magic spell in its ear

20 Apr – 20 May

Beware of mischievous badgers swapping your shampoo with hot sauce.

21 May – 20 Jun

Today is a good day for public transportation, especially for people wearing period costumes.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

If you hear someone coughing behind you, don't turn around.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

If you go to sleep tonight, you'll have the best dreams of your life.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Your phone will today start speaking Russian

23 Sep – 22 Oct

A housemate of yours will have a bad day. You can try to cheer them up, or you can take the opportunity to prank them.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Make love with a stiff-necked Libra

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Don't stand under that apple tree!

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Today you will forget that you have a cat

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Today you will encounter a magical talking donkey who will give you life advice.

19 Feb – 20 Mar