Tuesday, April 15, 2025
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You will forget what you were worried about last night as soon as you wake up. Unfortunately, the anxiety will simply transfer to a different aspect of your life, manifesting as an intense fear of teleportation. Try to stay grounded today (literally and metaphorically).
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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A flock of hummingbirds will sing you a lullaby as you take a nap in the park. Sweet dreams!
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Don't be afraid to speak up if something's wrong. But maybe today is a good day to practice letting others take the lead in conversation.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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You will discover a hidden talent for playing the harmonica with your nose.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Today, you will receive an inheritance of $5,000, but you will spend it all on a single lunch.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Today, you receive a hard drive containing the most raunchy movies imaginable.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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When you meet a new person, you have to make weird noises at them.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Your favourite pen will gain the ability to write poetry when you least expect it.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Today you will encounter a group of synchronized seagulls performing a water ballet at the beach.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Today you will walk into an ancient cave, and you will feel the urge to draw a moustache on his penis
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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It's important to love yourself. So if you want to go to the gym, go. Or get a burger. It's your choice!
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You and I will both receive a text from a rabbit asking for your help.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar