Tuesday, April 15, 2025

You will forget what you were worried about last night as soon as you wake up. Unfortunately, the anxiety will simply transfer to a different aspect of your life, manifesting as an intense fear of teleportation. Try to stay grounded today (literally and metaphorically).

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr
A flock of hummingbirds will sing you a lullaby as you take a nap in the park. Sweet dreams!

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May
Don't be afraid to speak up if something's wrong. But maybe today is a good day to practice letting others take the lead in conversation.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun
You will discover a hidden talent for playing the harmonica with your nose.

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul
Today, you will receive an inheritance of $5,000, but you will spend it all on a single lunch.

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug
Today, you receive a hard drive containing the most raunchy movies imaginable.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep
When you meet a new person, you have to make weird noises at them.

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct
Your favourite pen will gain the ability to write poetry when you least expect it.

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov
Today you will encounter a group of synchronized seagulls performing a water ballet at the beach.

Sagittarius

22 Nov – 21 Dec
Today you will walk into an ancient cave, and you will feel the urge to draw a moustache on his penis

Capricorn

22 Dec – 19 Jan
It's important to love yourself. So if you want to go to the gym, go. Or get a burger. It's your choice!

Aquarius

20 Jan – 18 Feb
You and I will both receive a text from a rabbit asking for your help.

Pisces

19 Feb – 20 Mar