Friday, March 28, 2025

• 

  You'll consider writing a strongly-worded letter to the editor regarding the lack of quorum at local council meetings, but then remember that nobody cares about local politics.

  Aries

  21 Mar – 19 Apr

• 

  When the clock strikes thirteen, your soul will leave your body and you will be a ghost. Sorry.

  Taurus

  20 Apr – 20 May

• 

  Your toaster oven starts cursing tomorrows about its lack of toasting element. Time to invest in a bigger one

  Gemini

  21 May – 20 Jun

• 

  Today you will wake up to discover that the world is a puddle of frothed milk with a feather floating on top. It takes some getting used to, but adapts surprisingly well

  Cancer

  21 Jun – 22 Jul

• 

  If you're an ant, then today is your lucky day.

  Leo

  23 Jul – 22 Aug

• 

  Today you will be serenaded by a chorus of singing frogs during a moonlit stroll in the park.

  Virgo

  23 Aug – 22 Sep

• 

  You know that thing you've been meaning to say to your crush? Don't say it tonight, they're having a bad day.

  Libra

  23 Sep – 22 Oct

• 

  Today you will discover a hidden talent for juggling rubber ducks.

  Scorpio

  23 Oct – 21 Nov

• 

  Your future is so bright you'll have to wear shades. Unless you're in a cave, in which case you probably shouldn't wear shades.

  Sagittarius

  22 Nov – 21 Dec

• 

  Make love with a stiff-necked Libra

  Capricorn

  22 Dec – 19 Jan

• 

  In Japan, you're a god. In Mexico, you're a god. In Canada, you're also a god.

  Aquarius

  20 Jan – 18 Feb

• 

  An unexpected visitor will bring you great news today. Hopefully this isn't a visitor from another planet, because that would be weird.

  Pisces

  19 Feb – 20 Mar