Wacky Horoscopes

A bird will fly into your house today. It will have a message for you.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Wake up, and enjoy your new daydream

You will experience deja vu today. But it's not just any deja vu, it's recursive deja vu, where you keep experiencing the deja vu over and over again, ad infinitum. Navigate this strange situation carefully.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

It's important to love yourself. So if you want to go to the gym, go. Or get a burger. It's your choice!

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

A box of rat poison is actually a box of chocolates. Be careful when you open it.

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

An Aquarius in Canada will save your life today.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Don't bother taking an umbrella with you today. It's going to be a bright and sunny day. Unless it isn't.

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Play make-believe in a library with a Virgo

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Nobody likes a seat hog. Whether it's a train, bus, or airplane, common courtesy dictates that you should occupy only your designated space.

Sagittarius

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Your mailbox will become a portal to a parallel dimension where mail is delivered by unicorns.

Capricorn

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Beware Party goats plotting to take over the state capitol

Aquarius

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Go over a cliff with an Pisces

Pisces

19 Feb – 20 Mar

Sunday, December 29, 2024