Wacky Horoscopes

If you don't have a dog, reconsider your lifestyle - adopt one today for a happier and more fulfilled life.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Beware of mischievous garden fairies turning your lawn into a miniature golf course. Grab your putter and play along!

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May

Sometimes, the best way to solve a problem is to take a nap. Today is one of those days.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun

Wait for boiled tea with an elephant

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul

If you were a dog, you'd be a good boy today.

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Sometimes, you have to fight for what you want. Today, you have to fight for a rest.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Today, you will feel the need to create. Do not do this with paint, as you have no artistic ability whatsoever.

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct

An owl will fly into one of your windows

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Time to update your CV with some very unique skills: sheep shearing, pottery making and sailing a small boat.

Sagittarius

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Your bad luck has run out, consider playing the lottery. This message is sponsored by the lottery.

Capricorn

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You have a special someone in your life who truly cares about you. Except that person is a narcissistic parrot who actually doesn't give a damn about you. But you already know that.

Aquarius

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Today you will go on a triple date with three very old ladies, who will each try to steal you away from your girlfriend

Pisces

19 Feb – 20 Mar

Monday, November 11, 2024