Thursday, October 31, 2024
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You will embark on a journey of self-discovery this week. Hopefully, it's not a journey involving climbing Mount Everest, because that would just be crazy.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Your cat will whisper offensive language in your ear.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Shoot a gale with a feather
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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A box of rat poison is actually a box of chocolates. Be careful when you open it.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Don't give a Leo advice, they already know everything.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Today you will create an incredible fresh and spicy salad dressing
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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You've been feeling a little under the weather lately. It might be because you have caught a cold, or it might be because you are feeling a little down. I'm not really sure which one it is.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Today you will suddenly become convinced you want to get married and have children, and will start trying to design your wedding dress
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Beware of rogue limes conspiring to take over the fruit bowl.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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You will accidentally unlock your talents for spontaneous self combustion. Unleash the passion within!
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Today you will unexpectedly receive an award for bravery. Now go win it!
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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The chances of rain today are directly proportional to the amount of work you've put off.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
