Thursday, October 10, 2024

• 

  There's a 50% chance your middle name is James.

  Aries

  21 Mar – 19 Apr

• 

  Today you will try a new diet

  Taurus

  20 Apr – 20 May

• 

  Today you pretend that the toothpaste you're using is hot pink and tastes like cotton

  Gemini

  21 May – 20 Jun

• 

  Beware of rogue kittens clustering outside your window plotting evil industrial espionage

  Cancer

  21 Jun – 22 Jul

• 

  Today you will finally qualify to be a contestant on TV game shows

  Leo

  23 Jul – 22 Aug

• 

  Today you'll discover that you can breathe underwater. Your next dive will be epic.

  Virgo

  23 Aug – 22 Sep

• 

  Today you realize how much you're lacking in the fear of heights department

  Libra

  23 Sep – 22 Oct

• 

  Today you will wake up and your first thought will be happy birthday to me.

  Scorpio

  23 Oct – 21 Nov

• 

  You can save a life today, if you choose to.

  Sagittarius

  22 Nov – 21 Dec

• 

  You'll dream of a lovers meeting, and then meet them the next day.

  Capricorn

  22 Dec – 19 Jan

• 

  Your presence will have an inexplicable calming effect on angry mobs, and you will find that simply by showing up, you can single-handedly diffuse tense situations, causing crowds to calmly and quietly disperse without resistance.

  Aquarius

  20 Jan – 18 Feb

• 

  You will have a boring conversation with a coworker about topics such as the weather or last night's game, but it will ultimately bring you closer to each other.

  Pisces

  19 Feb – 20 Mar