Friday, August 30, 2024
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The cow has been drinking.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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You will inadvertently make an outrageous fashion statement, and it will become a trend.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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You will have a very unlucky day today. Fortunately, your bad luck will mysteriously rub off on others around you, leaving you relatively unaffected. Be careful who you spend time with today.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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If you're an actor, now is the time to get a headshot.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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A bubble will appear on your ceiling today.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Beware of the elusive pen thief who lurks in your office, leaving you perpetually searching for a writing instrument.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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You'll suddenly be overcome by a witchy urge to play Dungeons & Dragons.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You will discover a secret superpower. Learn to levitate!
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Did you know your great grandfather invented beards? He did, and for that we are all grateful.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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You will finally understand why guinea pigs squeak so much. And you will squeak with them.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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You will have a surprisingly insightful conversation with a piece of furniture today.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You will discover a secret portal to a parallel universe behind your refrigerator.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
