Friday, August 9, 2024
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Your mailbox will become a portal to a parallel dimension where mail is delivered by unicorns.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Today you will become a professional dart player.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Hug a yellow Labrador
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Your toaster will start producing perfectly toasted images of famous paintings.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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You will have a fateful encounter with a pineapple today. Take it as a sign to make some big life changes.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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You will be audited by the IRS.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Today you will wake up and realize you've been writing poems all night and will win a prize
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Your fingers are crossed..
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Let the bossy people of the world know that you are not to be trifled with. Show them your smile, while making sure to give them a serious and low tone of voice. They'll never forget it.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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You will suddenly grow an extra limb that will tie up your other limbs in knots.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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A winged messenger brings news of greatness to you today. Accept this blessing with grace and readiness, for opportunity lingers but a moment.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Your pets will attempt to have a serious talk with you. Try not to laugh, they're sensitive about their feelings.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
