Sunday, July 28, 2024
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Elevenses shall be your new favorite word today. Learn it, love it, use it.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Your life is a telenovela and you're the lead character: expect a lot of drama today.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Don't get fizzy, stick to the flat variety today.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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In the realm of gift-giving, your exceptional taste and thoughtfulness will elevate you to the status of Gift-Giving Guru.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Do you want to know how the world really looks? Today, you must brave an oppressive apocalyptic future, and perhaps discover something worthwhile while you're at it.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Shake hands with the Lord of England
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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If you go to the toilet, you will be entertained.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You'll suddenly find yourself in possession of a pharaoh statue and will be stunned at the revelation of your ancient umber power.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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You like ketchup more than you like people.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Your usual charm will be amplified today, use it to your advantage but try not to make any enemies.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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You will accidentally unlock your talents for spontaneous self combustion. Unleash the passion within!
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You still, to this day, think 'MySpace' is a cool name for a social networking site.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
