Tuesday, July 23, 2024
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Today, you will speak with a fork. It will go much better than you expect!
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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If it is sunny today, brexit means brexit
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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You will meet a nice bisexual
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Don't dwell on the past. You said something stupid? Join the club. We all have. The key is to move on and not let it eat away at you. Unless it was recently. In which case, you're fucked.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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You will have a strong desire to drink orange juice straight from the carton today. Resist this urge, because orange juice always stains the couch, no matter how carefully you try to drink it.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Today you will get fired from a job you don't like doing because you were once fired from an identical job
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Today you will finally understand what being bored is all about
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You'll discover your upstairs neighbour is a nudist. You'll become attracted to them.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Today, you will discover that you have an unusual talent for attracting stray cats. Embrace this ability and see what transpires.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Today, you discover a hidden gift for creating unbelievable artwork.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Today you will learn how to do something new. It will be from YouTube.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You will receive some unexpected but much-needed rainfall today. Rather than letting it dampen your spirits, you will see it as a sign of renewed growth and opportunity. Use this metaphorical (and literal) rain as a chance to bloom and flourish.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
