Wacky Horoscopes — Cancer, July 18, 2024

You will see someone you haven't seen since high school. They will be basically the same.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

You've lost a sock in the dryer. Unfortunately, it will not be found tonight.

20 Apr – 20 May

Your alarm clock's warbling will start up again, and will start playing your favourite tunes.

21 May – 20 Jun

You'll receive a mysterious note telling you that a bold experiment is about to commence.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Today you will be high-fived by a chimp

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Your toothbrush will gain the ability to brush your teeth on its own. Enjoy the hands-free dental hygiene!

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Today you will discover there is still so much to learn about the subterranean world: the praetorians' cavern city will vanish before your eyes

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Everything you say will be taken out of context, so keep quiet.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Do not dwell on past resolutions or failures - consider them permanent setbacks and move on.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

You are a very special person, and you should know that. But not in a way that's creepy.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Today you will accidentally invent a new dance move that becomes an internet sensation. Embrace your newfound fame.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Today you will imagine you felt a sharp prick of electricity throughout your entire body

19 Feb – 20 Mar