Saturday, July 13, 2024
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Beware of the cheese conspiracy; they are plotting against you.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Your alarm clock plays a tune every morning, but the melody is the exact opposite of the one it played yesterday.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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If a crow appears on your shoulder today, give it food.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Today, a part of you will feel the need to take a nap, but you will resist.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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When you spill juice on your laptop today, resist the urge to throw it out the window in a fit of rage. Losing your data is one thing; murder is another.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Your email account has been hacked. The hacker is very sorry and has returned all of your emails. They are sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Today you'll find yourself baking an epic pie, but will be frustrated by how difficult it is to cut it into slices.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Maybe it's because you left your pet chipmunk in the clothes dryer last week, but you've been feeling even more itchy than usual. A pack of gerbils may be the answer to your scratching ways.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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You are teleported into a parallel universe where every conversation ends with a question mark?
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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The stars say you're about to embark on a great adventure! It'll be nothing like you expect.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Let’s just get through today.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You will be visited by the ghosts of breakfast past, present and future today. They will either be friendly or just vengeful depending on if you have finished your breakfast.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
