Wacky Horoscopes — Scorpio, July 12, 2024

Your phone will today start speaking Russian

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

If you happen to encounter a rainbow today, take it as a good omen. Your lucky leprechaun is nearby.

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you will enjoy an intensely powerful orgasm, and will think you've found heaven.

21 May – 20 Jun

Workshop cell reprogramming with a roguish Gemini

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Today you will try on a cheap poisonous black cocktail dress. It will start to burn you, and you will leave the shop in tears

23 Jul – 22 Aug

You have an admirer, and they're really good at hiding it.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Sometimes you have to choose your battles. Today, the microwave is that battle.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Today you will see a black panther peeking inside your house

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Beware of your friends swapping your toothpaste with rainbow-colored frosting

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Ask questions in Turkish (maybe).

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You will find a forgotten childhood toy that brings back nostalgic memories.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Never play a trick on a plant. It's mean and plants are friends.

19 Feb – 20 Mar