Wacky Horoscopes — Capricorn, July 6, 2024

Sometimes you have to choose your battles. Today, the battle is your own bad jokes.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Today you will surreptitiously check if travelers to Mars are slowly growing tails

20 Apr – 20 May

The stars say you're about to embark on a great adventure! It'll be nothing like you expect.

21 May – 20 Jun

Today you'll hug a toilet. It will hug you back.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

A bird will fall out of the sky and onto your head. It will be strangely satisfying.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Today, you'll have a eureka moment where you realize that life is made up of 85 percent pretending

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Don't try footwear on in-store then search for a cheaper version online, only to find it doesn't fit quite right. Just buy the darn shoes.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Your workload today is going to skyrocket. Start getting ready!

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Today you realize how much you're lacking in the fear of heights department

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Are you ready for the challenge?

22 Dec – 19 Jan

It's very hot today so don't forget to bring your thermos and lots of water so you don't get dehydration.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Try to be chill like a cucumber today.

19 Feb – 20 Mar