Wacky Horoscopes — Aries, June 25, 2024

If you can afford to have your friends over for a big cookout, then consider doing so! Having people around with good food is always a plus.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Do not make online purchases of shoes, for they will inevitably be sharper and more uncomfortable than you anticipated.

20 Apr – 20 May

Your car will transform into a talking unicorn and demand to be fed glitter

21 May – 20 Jun

Your bank account will suddenly have an infestation of fruit flies. They are a sign of good fortune! Don't worry!

21 Jun – 22 Jul

You will experience an abundance of cacti in your life for no reason, but there is no cause for concern.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Heightened senses will be yours today, enabling you to detect the aroma of onions from an adjacent apartment block. Use this power wisely.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

You are an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, inside a mystery. Unravel yourself and see what's inside!

23 Sep – 22 Oct

You'll keep mistaking your hair dryer for a retro space-age jetpack. Put it to good use making an urgent escape.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

True friends will start communicating with you in Morse code, but beware of fake friends and unsuspecting crickets.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Listen to your dreams: Keep a dream journal and look for hidden meanings in your nocturnal adventures.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Today someone will write a song about you. It'll be a fucking banger.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Today you will find out you're a chimera pretending to craft meadows

19 Feb – 20 Mar