Monday, June 17, 2024
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You will discover a hidden talent for playing the harmonica with your nose.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Today you will become friends with a psychic squirrel who predicts your future.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Today you will be visited by two grooms
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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In one week, you will be given a briefcase that contains $1,000,000 in cash. Take it!
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Your hairbrush will gain sentience and start giving you daily pep talks.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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You may find yourself attracted to statues today. Do your best to resist this attraction. It is not appropriate to make out with a statue, regardless of how much it looks like Ryan Gosling.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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You will have a dream about cows tonight and it will change your life.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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The moon will be in the sky today. It will be a blue moon.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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A feeling of helplessness will wash over you today as you confront the enormity of global issues. Take small actions to make a difference and don't lose hope.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Recreate a freemason ritual in your spare bedroom
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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An ancient menagerie of animals will gather around you, ready to perform a show.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You will accidentally unlock a portal to a magical realm inside your pantry. Watch out for flying spaghetti monsters.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
