Wacky Horoscopes — Sagittarius, May 23, 2024

Your secrets are safe with the soot sprites

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Today you'll be recognized for your amazing detective skills, and will suddenly be recruited as a PI.

20 Apr – 20 May

You use the word 'Definitely' a lot.

21 May – 20 Jun

You will be reincarnated as a butterfly.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

If you eat spicy food today, you will have excellent sex tomorrow.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

You will receive a Facebook friend request from a crab today.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Your bed is haunted, but only when you're alone.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

The planets are in alignment or something.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Trust in the healing power of crystals: Carry your favourite stone to radiate positive energy throughout the day.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

You'll be visited the ghost of your future self, who is very concerned about you.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Today you will discover that you can double your speed by rubbing your belly

20 Jan – 18 Feb

If a new console drops today, you're in for a treat.

19 Feb – 20 Mar