Tuesday, May 21, 2024
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You'll become rich and famous overnight but only if you get rid of that stash of nudes in your basement.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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It's time for a cup of tea and a Danish pastry.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Move the matchstick close to your goats
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Today you will eat a whole box of chocolates and not get sick.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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A unique opportunity to hug a tree presents itself. Embrace it (literally and figuratively).
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Your toaster will start producing perfectly toasted images of famous paintings.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Today you will have a strong desire to merge with your couch. You will discover that the couch is just as excited about this idea as you are. Enjoy your day of lounging and don't worry about doing anything else.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Today you will have the same dream over and over
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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You will receive a parcel containing your name and address inside a leather wallet
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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An invisible halo of misfortune will surround you today, causing minor setbacks and inconveniences to occur around you at random. Wherever you go and whatever you do, a mysterious force will ensure that everything takes ten percent longer than it should.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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A conscience is like a boat, you know you need one, but you're not sure why.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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An unknown force will compel you to buy a stranger a cup of coffee, this act of kindness will have profound effects on your week.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
