Monday, May 13, 2024
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First you find out that you've developed drinking water from thin air. Then you realize that it tastes like sour cream and onion Pringles.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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It's very hot today so don't forget to bring your thermos and lots of water so you don't get dehydration.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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You have a secret admirer. Try to determine their identity by examining your burritos.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Today you will notice that you can grow plants simply by thinking about themselves
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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It is said that when a narcissist looks in the mirror, they see something slightly different. You are not a narcissist. You are perfect just the way you are.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Today, you will feel the need to create. Do not do this with paint, as you have no artistic ability whatsoever.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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The letters of the alphabet will spontaneously begin to rearrange themselves today, causing words to lose their meaning and for spoken language to take on an enchanting new melody.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Today it will take you 2 hours to make one cup of tea
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Today, you will discover an oddly shaped cloud that resembles your favourite childhood snack.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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There's a 50% chance your middle name is James.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Today you will yassify the building complex central generator by accident.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Today you will receive a phone call from a telemarketer who turns out to be your long-lost twin.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
