Sunday, May 12, 2024

Someone will confess their love for you today. It will be a platypus with a hat.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr
Find out how quickly you can run up a flight of stairs without stopping.

Taurus

20 Apr – 20 May
You are a born foodie, and this year your taste buds will embark on a journey like no other. From discovering exotic ingredients to mastering mouthwatering recipes, your culinary adventures will be lauded by food critics and envy-inducing on social media.

Gemini

21 May – 20 Jun
Your favourite pair of sunglasses will mysteriously turn into x-ray glasses, allowing you to see through walls.

Cancer

21 Jun – 22 Jul
Today you'll be unexpectedly decorated with pointy ears, allowing you to attend Rave Chic parties without fear of bloodshed

Leo

23 Jul – 22 Aug
The stock market is doing well, if you own stock in tofu nuggets.

Virgo

23 Aug – 22 Sep
Today you will celebrate the arrival of an errant husband, who will have returned magically from the distant past. (but is missing most of his hats)

Libra

23 Sep – 22 Oct
Your pet goldfish will suddenly start speaking fluent French.

Scorpio

23 Oct – 21 Nov
From trying your hand at painting to mastering the art of baking, your newfound hobby will bring boundless joy and excitement to your life.

Sagittarius

22 Nov – 21 Dec
You'll suddenly realize you hate all the things you've been using to cut your hair.

Capricorn

22 Dec – 19 Jan
You have to play a drinking game with your boss.

Aquarius

20 Jan – 18 Feb
You'll suddenly be awakened to an unfamiliar magical world, granting you powers that would seem useless

Pisces

19 Feb – 20 Mar