Wacky Horoscopes — Aquarius, May 11, 2024

You will accidentally unlock a portal to a magical realm inside your pantry. Watch out for flying spaghetti monsters.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Do not fear the reaper, but do fear your printer when it runs out of ink.

20 Apr – 20 May

Climb a mountain with a Libra

21 May – 20 Jun

From poetic profanity to succinctly expressing your frustration, your potty mouth will become a thing of legend.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

You will discover a hidden talent for communicating with aliens through interpretive dance.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Beware of mischievous badgers swapping your shampoo with hot sauce.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

A Yoshi doll will mysteriously appear on your doorstep, effectively fostering a deep yearning for Nintendo Switch gameplay within you.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

There's a 50% chance your middle name is James.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Today you will be visited by a talking grapefruit who will share the secrets of tropical wisdom with you.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

There is something you need to let go of. The thing you need to let go of is your attachment to this prediction.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Today you will accidentally turn your microwave into a time machine.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Your orders will be obeyed by an army of ants

19 Feb – 20 Mar