Wacky Horoscopes — Aquarius, May 1, 2024

The planets are in alignment or something.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Today someone will write a song about you. It'll be a fucking banger.

20 Apr – 20 May

You will finally understand what your pets are thinking and talking about. They will ask you to buy them a friend, and you will happily comply.

21 May – 20 Jun

Whatcha eating?

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Good luck will be on your side today. Avoid any allergic reactions and spot a bee to harness good fortune.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

You are going to be so tired after today.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Today you will be visited by two grooms

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Today you will taste the best beer you've ever had. It will be a self-brewed one.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Don't forget your umbrella today, or you'll get wet.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

You have a big heart, and you should treat it with care. For example, don't use it to try and carry anvils.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Today you will realize it's the opening day of spring semester and you're unprepared

19 Feb – 20 Mar