Saturday, April 27, 2024
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Beware of mischievous Gorgonzola planning evil schemes against the cheese aisle. Keep a close eye!
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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You will be asked to eat an extra one hundred calories today, but it will be worth it.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Remember, whatever doesn't kill you today was actually a harmless mosquito. Stay calm when others around you are losing their heads (and possibly their sanity).
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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You're afraid of caterpillars.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Today, you will transform your hand into a genie lamp, granting you wishes with pure awesome power. Check if you can reverse its effects.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Your favourite pair of sunglasses will mysteriously turn into x-ray glasses, allowing you to see through walls.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Keep a wary eye on your beer bottles today; they're harboring tiny gnomes.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You'll suddenly be overcome by a witchy urge to play Dungeons & Dragons.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Take that siesta, just maybe avoid the wet dream afterward
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Not feeling well? Have a drink and sleep it off.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Your favourite mug will gain the ability to predict the future through the patterns in your coffee. It's time for some divination!
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Today you will meet a messenger from a parallel universe. They will try to sell you a timeshare. Do not buy it!
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
