Sunday, April 21, 2024
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This year, you will find your true calling in the world of curse words. Your ability to artfully combine inventive expletives will be hailed as a masterpiece of creative cursing.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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That sinister-looking cactus is just longing to be taken home and loved.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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A rare astronomical event will take place tonight, visible only from your backyard. Set up a telescope and prepare for a cosmic spectacle that will leave you in awe.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Today you will finally be regarded as both a domestic god and a vegetable revolutionary
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Have you ever wanted to make a blanket fort? Today is the day!
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Today, you'll have a eureka moment where you realize that life is made up of 85 percent pretending
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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You will eat three ice creams today. One for you, one for the road, and one for the finish line.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Rub your belly while running and watch your speed increase threefold.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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You will receive some lemons today, and you will make a delicious lemon pie with them.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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A normally mild-mannered person will erupt in a fit of rage over an insignificant matter. Stay out of their way.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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There is a meerkat watching and it will come for you
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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When you glance in the mirror today, you will notice that you have grown a handsome mustache overnight. Unfortunately, the mustache will be just mere millimeters long, causing you to question if it's really there at all.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
