Thursday, April 11, 2024
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The best way to predict the future is to invent it. Unless you're a seer, in which case it's better to just go to the crystal ball store.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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You can never have too many pink fluffy sweaters. Consider buying some more today.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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It's impossible to not smile when listening to Vivaldi's Four Seasons. That's just science.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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You'll stumble upon a perfectly ripe avocado that mysteriously glows in the dark.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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The stars say you're about to embark on a great adventure! It'll be nothing like you expect.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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If you're an actor, now is the time to get a headshot.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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You will have a vivid memory from a past life.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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If you're feeling lost, just follow the trail of puppy pics to find your way back to happiness.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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You're currently in the middle of a 30-day waiting period for a hipster bar's loyalty card.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Your future will be bright as you will win the lottery next week. However, you will spend it all on an automated asteroid Killer Space Laser.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Today you will receive an unsolicited visit from your son and daughter in-law and will not be allowed to leave until you've finished eating all of their home cooked meals.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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If you feel the uncontrollable urge to howl at the moon today, try to do so in an indoor setting. Howling exorbitantly is generally better suited for wolves.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
