Saturday, April 6, 2024
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An unknown force will compel you to buy a stranger a cup of coffee, this act of kindness will have profound effects on your week.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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An epiphany will strike while perusing the aisles of your local pet store, revealing the profound truth that turtles are, in fact, the secret rulers of the world.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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You are 92% sure that you are the protagonist of a role-playing video game.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Your neighbour's cat will start doing stuff to your couch cushions.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Date an Ethiopian scorpio.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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The longer you stare at a blank wall, the more likely it is to have something written on it.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Today you will stop looking at clocks and then realize you've spent an entire week living in a completely different world
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Today you will buy a cat a present.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Swim freely with leviathan dragonfish
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Not feeling well? Have a drink and sleep it off.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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You will receive a strange vision tonight while asleep. It may involve potatoes. Don't be alarmed, visions of potatoes are known to predict good fortune.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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If someone asks you if you are a human, you should respond with "I'm not sure yet."
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
