Monday, April 1, 2024
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Your sign indicates that you are destined for great things in the world of napping. This year, you will triumph in the art of catnapping, claimingvictory over even the most elusive of sleep forms.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Today you shall manifest excellent balance, for as the cranes above you in the sky, so too must your energy hover gracefully between that which you have given, and that which you shall receive.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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All Virgos are beautiful. This is an indisputable fact.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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You will have a dream about mermaids tonight. Don't be alarmed, it's just your subconscious processing your underwater scuba certification.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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You will finally finish that project you've been putting off for so long.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Your future will be bright as you will win the lottery next week. However, you will spend it all on an automated asteroid Killer Space Laser.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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You will suddenly grow an extra limb that will tie up your other limbs in knots.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Those were not contact lenses you put in this morning.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Your car will mysteriously start driving itself today. Whatever you do, do not attempt to catch up on your emails while this is happening, or intervene in any way. Just enjoy the ride and hope you arrive at your destination.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Forgive vampires for being distrustful.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Beware of mischievous garden gnomes swapping your socks with those of your neighbors. Keep track of your footwear!
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Your sense of taste will be heightened today. Everything you eat will taste spectacular, even mundane foods like plain bread or crackers. Enjoy this rare culinary treat but try not to overindulge lest you end up with a stomachache.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
