Friday, March 29, 2024
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Today you will decide to give up caffeine
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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That would be a big plate of…bread.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Your future is so bright you'll have to wear shades. Unless you're in a cave, in which case you probably shouldn't wear shades.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Today you will get fired from a job you don't like doing because you were once fired from an identical job
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Today is a good day to vacuum. Especially behind the sofa. You never know what mysteries you might uncover back there.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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You will discover a hidden talent for juggling, but it will only be useful when no one is looking.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Today you will discover that you have been living in a dream all along and must now wake up... but do you really want to?
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Today you will encounter a group of synchronized cows performing a ballet in the middle of a field.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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The sea is asking you to appreciate its beauty and the calmness it evokes. Take a moment to appreciate the vastness of the sea and the mysteries it holds.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Your fingers are crossed..
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Your cooking skills will be unmatched today. Take the opportunity to make a new dish!
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Ach, vitamins—you'll accidentally unwittingly run out of them
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
