Wacky Horoscopes — Taurus, March 24, 2024

Workshop cell reprogramming with a roguish Gemini

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Your alarm clock's warbling will start up again, and will start playing your favourite tunes.

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you will forget that you have a cat

21 May – 20 Jun

In one year today, you will meet the love of your life. It will be an incredible moment!

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Your day will involve a lot of emailing. Luckily, most of the emails will be about lunch, so at least you know what you're having tomorrow.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Today, you receive a hard drive containing the most raunchy movies imaginable.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

When you wake up today, take a few minutes to plan something nice for yourself. Then, get right back into bed.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

If you see a black raven, consider it a sign.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Time to restock the birthdays.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Today you will be confronted by a bat after realizing you've missed the last bus home

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You will overcome your aversion to runny eggs and embrace the joy of yolkiness.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

All your abandoned pasta and rice will finally have a chance to shine in an original dish you create today!

19 Feb – 20 Mar