Sunday, March 17, 2024
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You'll consider writing a strongly-worded letter to the editor regarding the lack of quorum at local council meetings, but then remember that nobody cares about local politics.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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There are two kinds of people in the world: those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Today you'll discover an amazingly amnesiac mouse living in your attic.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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There is no such thing as a free lunch. Unless you're a mouse.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Today you will lose your train ticket
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Practice astrology with caution: Analyze the movements of the stars to guide your decisions, but don't rely on them entirely.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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If you play a brass instrument, now is the time to dust it off.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You will receive a cryptic message from a long-lost relative claiming you are the heir to a vast fortune in a faraway land. Before you pack your bags, make sure to verify the legitimacy of this claim.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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An omen is coming your way, but don't worry, it only happens once every thousand years.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Today you will find yourself on an empty mountaintop, completely out of any mortal danger
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Why do some people insist on verbally talking to their audience when they should just tell the story outright?
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You will discover a hidden talent for impersonating farm animals. Get ready to moo, cluck, and oink with precision!
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
