Monday, February 12, 2024
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Don't let the mules deceive you. Even though they may appear aloof, it is critical that you promptly address any molehills they erect, for they can metamorphose into mountains in no time.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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The cafeteria's mystery meat is calling your name; indulge, and a revelation will unfold.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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You will have the power to hear what dogs are thinking today. You will discover that they are plotting to take over the world and you alone will know this.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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In the realm of GIF usage, you will ascend to the rank of GIF Whisperer. Your ability to expertly select and incorporate the perfect GIF into any conversation will add a touch of humor and creativity.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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You will have a strong desire to drink orange juice straight from the carton today. Resist this urge, because orange juice always stains the couch, no matter how carefully you try to drink it.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Elevenses shall be your new favorite word today. Learn it, love it, use it.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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You will spontaneously develop teleportation abilities. These powers will manifest when you are in close proximity to an electrical socket.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Your horoscope today is interconnected with that of your lesser-known neighbor; you'll experience both joy and misery together.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Today is a good day to adopt an elderly cat. Somehow this cat will increase your social media following, despite being eternally grumpy in all of your posts.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Today is a good day to think about what you want to do with your life, or at the very least the next hour. Avoid making any sudden decisions as it could have drastic consequences for the space-time continuum.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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Today would be a great day to start a journal. Journals are not just for teenage girls. Or maybe they are, and you are finally embracing your inner teenage girl? Embrace it fully.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You will find a forgotten penny on the street today. Don't spend it, it will bring you bad luck.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
