Monday, February 5, 2024
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If you value your kidneys do not make any plans to go to concerts today.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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The fairies in the garden have notes on your every move.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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That thing you are worried about? It's probably not going to happen. But when it does, at least you'll be prepared thanks to the excessive worrying you've been doing. Congratulations on achieving the worst of both worlds!
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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You'll finally master the art of flipping pancakes, and will briefly consider a career as a short-order chef. Your pancakes will taste great with lemon sauce.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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From quick-witted retorts to expertly crafted zingers, your tongue will be sharper than a surgeon's scalpel.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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You will crave pie today, and not just any pie, but a specific type of berry pie that you haven't tasted since childhood. Pursue this pie with reckless abandon, and enjoy every savoury bite.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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An unexpected visitor will bring you great news today. Hopefully this isn't a visitor from another planet, because that would be weird.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Today you will have extreme luck when it comes to parking. Save yourself the frustration and don't even try to find a spot, just park wherever you please.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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A stubborn calf will challenge your midday errands today. Do not attempt to reason with this calf, as reason is decidedly on the calf's side today. Eventually it will tire itself out and you can continue on your way.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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From poetic profanity to succinctly expressing your frustration, your potty mouth will become a thing of legend.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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When you glance in the mirror today, you will notice that you have grown a handsome mustache overnight. Unfortunately, the mustache will be just mere millimeters long, causing you to question if it's really there at all.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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In the vast universe of online arguments, you will be crowned the Supreme Debater. Your ability to skillfully navigate through contentious discussions and present compelling arguments will earn you admiration and respect.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
