Saturday, January 27, 2024
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If you'd rather stay home and read than attend a party, do it! Just be sure to make exceptions and seize opportunities to socialize, especially if you're an introvert.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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When you get home today, you will find an angry swarm of bees has made a home in your mailbox. Don't try to rescue the mail, just wait for the bees to leave on their own.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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A strangely familiar stranger will cross your path today. Ignore the feeling of deja vu and focus on connecting with your present surroundings.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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You will wake up speaking in tongues. It will turn out to be Morse code, and you will have received an important message from beyond!
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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You will receive an invitation to a party today that you cannot attend. Fake an illness to save face. Your excuse will be greatly exaggerated, but hey, better safe than sorry.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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You will have the urge to rearrange your furniture according to the principles of Feng Shui. Don't resist this urge, as it will bring you positive energy and a more harmonious home.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Today is the day to start your alien archaeology career dig if you've always wanted to. The conditions are perfect.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Your week starts off with a bold statement courtesy of a pungent food item that may or may not be expired. Remember: boldness is bravery sometimes.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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An imbalance in the universe will cause you to gain four potatoes, but at the cost of losing your memory of last Tuesday.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Today, a heavenly chorus of birds shall sing praises for your existence. Take a moment to appreciate this celestial symphony, for its echoes carry the universe's blessing for the path you have chosen.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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A vending machine will eat your money today. Don't try to argue with it or get angry. Instead, use this opportunity to practice the fine art of patience and remember to carry small change.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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If you're feeling lonely today, consider adopting a pet. Cats are great, but so are dogs, and maybe even a lizard or a fish. Petting any animal is scientifically proven to reduce stress.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
