Wacky Horoscopes — Capricorn, December 30, 2023

Today you will become friends with a psychic squirrel who predicts your future.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Today you will have to fill 2 minutes with continuous laughter. Expect to fail

20 Apr – 20 May

Today you will be a coward for a few moments

21 May – 20 Jun

Today you will decide you don't need to go to work, and will decide to stay at home instead

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Today you will accidentally turn your microwave into a time machine.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Your secret is safe with the lettuce.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

When you get your fortune told at the bottom of a paper bag, you get a different message.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Your partner is the one who will put the salad on the table in front of you today. Do not worry, they will make it a lovely one.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Kiss a malay Aries in a tree.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Your pets will attempt to have a serious talk with you. Try not to laugh, they're sensitive about their feelings.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

You are never alone when you have a good friend. Unless you're an introvert, in which case you're never alone when you don't have a good friend also.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

A new sound will become popular and you will want to listen to it.

19 Feb – 20 Mar