Wacky Horoscopes — Capricorn, December 27, 2023

You'll be invited to a really cool party, but it'll be in your honour so you'll have to go.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Your shoelaces will tie themselves together while you're walking.

20 Apr – 20 May

Start some supernatural creatures at the tip of your finger tonight.

21 May – 20 Jun

Today you will wonder why there are so many scrap papers interspersed amongst your things

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Today you will compete in a hot dog eating contest and win.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

You have a secret admirer. Try to determine their identity by examining your burritos.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

Today you will develop the ability to speak to inanimate objects. Your conversations will be enlightening and bizarre.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Realise an awesome ability for secretly deciphering foreign languages. Bonjour.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Never play a trick on a plant. It's mean and plants are friends.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

You will come across a treacherous traitorous plot to begin world war three

22 Dec – 19 Jan

A talking squirrel will visit you, and will grant you three wishes, but you'll have to make them before the sun sets.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

You're a collector of rare salts.

19 Feb – 20 Mar