Thursday, December 21, 2023

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  You will be asked to lead a team today. Choose your team wisely, as only those who truly want to can follow you into battle.

  Aries

  21 Mar – 19 Apr

• 

  Today you will solve the murder mystery of why Halloween is always really great

  Taurus

  20 Apr – 20 May

• 

  A border collie will rescue at least four civilians from a flood by building a dam of consciousness

  Gemini

  21 May – 20 Jun

• 

  Embrace the peculiar sound of a malfunctioning elevator, as it holds the key to unlocking a new friendship with a quirky inventor who lives on the top floor.

  Cancer

  21 Jun – 22 Jul

• 

  Consider seeking out a Sagittarius. Today they will be fantastic kissers.

  Leo

  23 Jul – 22 Aug

• 

  Your neighbour's cat will start doing stuff to your couch cushions.

  Virgo

  23 Aug – 22 Sep

• 

  Today, you will stumble upon a forgotten journal from your childhood, filled with strangely accurate predictions about your current Netflix binge-watching choices.

  Libra

  23 Sep – 22 Oct

• 

  Today you will find a secret underground society of synchronized sneezers. Join in their harmonious symphony.

  Scorpio

  23 Oct – 21 Nov

• 

  The best things in life are free. Especially if you stole them.

  Sagittarius

  22 Nov – 21 Dec

• 

  You can never have too many pink fluffy sweaters. Consider buying some more today.

  Capricorn

  22 Dec – 19 Jan

• 

  You will be invited to join a secret society of synchronized swimmers. Embrace the water ballet.

  Aquarius

  20 Jan – 18 Feb

• 

  It is written in the stars that you will live until you are 92 years old.

  Pisces

  19 Feb – 20 Mar