Wacky Horoscopes — Scorpio, December 16, 2023

Prepare for a surprising twist during your daily commute when you stumble upon a hidden underground disco club on the subway.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

Beware of rogue squirrels plotting to take over the world's nut supply. Stay vigilant!

20 Apr – 20 May

Today is a good day to have a few drinks with some close friends. Just don't drink too much. You have to work tomorrow.

21 May – 20 Jun

Today you'll find an eggplant that is so is so expensive.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

Your door will magically turn into a portal to the robot dimension where you and I can converse via telepathy

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Feel classy with Felicity today.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

There are ghosts in your bedroom.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

Your company will today shut down for fifteen hours, requiring you to have fun

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Today you will suddenly discover a fondness for applying eye makeup

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Discover a secret talent for telepathy with a Virgo

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Take a glass of water and put it near your bed.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

For the foreseeable future, all your conversations will be via email.

19 Feb – 20 Mar