Monday, November 27, 2023
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You will get an embarrassing nickname today.
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Look for your letter in the mirror.
20 Apr – 20 May
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Sometimes people say that we can't choose who we love. They're wrong. We can. We just don't make the right choice, which is the only possible problem with this plan.
21 May – 20 Jun
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Today you will enjoy an intensely powerful orgasm, and will think you've found heaven.
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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A letter from Hogwarts is on its way to you.
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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You still, to this day, think 'MySpace' is a cool name for a social networking site.
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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You will feel compelled to move to Hawaii.
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Always carry a bandana with you, you never know when you'll need to make a quick western.
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Watch a fire with a smooth Gemini.
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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The cow has been drinking.
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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You're currently in the middle of a 30-day waiting period for a hipster bar's loyalty card.
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Today you will see a black panther peeking inside your house
19 Feb – 20 Mar
