Monday, November 27, 2023
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You will get an embarrassing nickname today.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Look for your letter in the mirror.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Sometimes people say that we can't choose who we love. They're wrong. We can. We just don't make the right choice, which is the only possible problem with this plan.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Today you will enjoy an intensely powerful orgasm, and will think you've found heaven.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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A letter from Hogwarts is on its way to you.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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You still, to this day, think 'MySpace' is a cool name for a social networking site.
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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You will feel compelled to move to Hawaii.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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Always carry a bandana with you, you never know when you'll need to make a quick western.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Watch a fire with a smooth Gemini.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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The cow has been drinking.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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You're currently in the middle of a 30-day waiting period for a hipster bar's loyalty card.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Today you will see a black panther peeking inside your house
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
