Thursday, October 12, 2023
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Never tell a Gemini how much you hate them. They can read the wrinkles in your forehead like Braille.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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Whack a psychedelic Gog
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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Today you will realize that there is nobody dead nearest you and will instantly forget about your destiny.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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A dog will lick your face today.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Do not fear the Receptionist, for she will give you a word of the day and help you on your way.
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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What did I miss out on?
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Today you will experience a surge in productivity
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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The office funny man is just jealous of your new shirt. Wear it with pride.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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Meet your four-year-old self today
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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Today you will be given instruction manual to R2D2
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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You will find yourself at a farmers market, for some reason.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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You have a special someone in your life who truly cares about you. Except that person is a narcissistic parrot who actually doesn't give a damn about you. But you already know that.
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
