Wacky Horoscopes — Aries, October 4, 2023

Consider seeking out a Sagittarius. Today they will be fantastic kissers.

Aries

21 Mar – 19 Apr

You will discover a secret talent for levitating small objects with the power of your mind. Start your career as a magician!

20 Apr – 20 May

Catch a polar bear with a bloody nose climb a tree

21 May – 20 Jun

You'll discover your upstairs neighbour is a nudist. You'll become attracted to them.

21 Jun – 22 Jul

You will gain a new appreciation for jelly/jello salad today.

23 Jul – 22 Aug

Beware of mischievous garden fairies rearranging your flower beds into intricate crop circles.

23 Aug – 22 Sep

You will accidentally turn your alarm clock into a time machine.

23 Sep – 22 Oct

You may not be the best, but you are the best for someone. Be there for that someone today.

23 Oct – 21 Nov

Today you will accidentally turn your car into a giant pumpkin carriage, complete with horses and footmen.

22 Nov – 21 Dec

Your bad luck has run out, consider playing the lottery. This message is sponsored by the lottery.

22 Dec – 19 Jan

Don't step on the broken glass, it might cut your feet.

20 Jan – 18 Feb

Beware of mischievous garden fairies turning your lawn into a miniature golf course. Grab your putter and play along!

19 Feb – 20 Mar