Monday, October 2, 2023
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Your refrigerator will develop the ability to spontaneously generate ice cream.
Aries
21 Mar – 19 Apr
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The traffic lights will turn green just for you.
Taurus
20 Apr – 20 May
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If you don't have anything nice to say to yourself, then don't say anything at all.
Gemini
21 May – 20 Jun
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Everything you say will be taken out of context, so keep quiet.
Cancer
21 Jun – 22 Jul
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Add TLC with an immaculate Virgo
Leo
23 Jul – 22 Aug
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Today you will discover that you have been living in a dream all along and must now wake up... but do you really want to?
Virgo
23 Aug – 22 Sep
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Today you will be called a virgin, but you will know it's a compliment.
Libra
23 Sep – 22 Oct
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You have previously owned a shellsuit.
Scorpio
23 Oct – 21 Nov
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For the first time in history, an ant will win a Nobel Prize. Unfortunately, no one will know, because you're the only one who can understand their speech.
Sagittarius
22 Nov – 21 Dec
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You'll be invited to a really cool party, but it'll be in your honour so you'll have to go.
Capricorn
22 Dec – 19 Jan
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You have an admirer, and they're really good at hiding it.
Aquarius
20 Jan – 18 Feb
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Go over a cliff with an Pisces
Pisces
19 Feb – 20 Mar
